Generally I blog about religion, but I wanted to start one that didn't require any research cause I'm lazy :). I also thought it would be a little bit of therapy, sort of like talking stuff out. So here goes.
This year has been crazy to say the least. I started my Flavors of God blog with my roommate a few years ago, and since then I have learned a lot, and not all of it is about religion.
This year a state icon burned, Big Tex is no more.I can't lie, I giggled that they had funeral services for him at some churches. He was important to some though, something they used all their lives as a meeting place when lost, a frequent guest in family photos, a 60 year old pseudo-friend.
I have grown this year, and I have watched my kids grow. I watched my daughter's behavior become something that no amount of good parenting can fix. Me and my husband (Stephen) realized that we may need some outside help, and that is a difficult decision to make. I hope that in the coming year we can make progress with her and find out if she has ADD, or some other issue. My son will be 2 on the 30th of this month. He is a smart wonderful boy, but I already see in him some of the issues my daughter had, maybe we can learn some tools to help us help them.
A friend died this year. On the 14th of March I was woken up in the middle of the night with the information that a wonderful girl, who had taken my daughter for ice cream on the that same day, had died in a car accident. I remember thinking it was a terrible joke, and being so angry that someone would find that funny. How can a girl I talked to 4 hours ago, an 18 year old kid, be dead? She was my brother-in-laws fiance, her name was Charlotte, she was a champion for bullied kids, and an all around amazing person. Telling my daughter of her death showed me that sometimes parenting is a heartbreaking job. I told her to wear her seat belt in the car just last weak. She of course said "why"? I told her that a seat belt can save your life in a car wreck. She calmly told me that was stupid "cause Charlotte is still dead, she was wearing hers", heavy stuff for a 6 year old.
This year I watched as a battle was waged online. A battle where the lines are very black and white, and almost impossible to cross. The line is between liberal and conservative, religious and otherwise, or even religion and any other religion. It's a war of words and minds, but an important one anyway. One that decides things, like rights, and if we are going to let our country become a Theocracy. I have entrenched myself and faced some backlash from it, but I am confident in my stance.
We made decisions this year. Stephen and I decided to not have anymore kids. I decided to stop attending church, and I decided to quit my job to focus on school. I made the decision to try and fix a family relationship that is so broken I don't know if I can repair it. I think if I had a very frank conversation with this person it could start the repairs, but to have this conversation would be to reveal things that have been private for a very long time. I don't know how to start, but even thinking about it scares me. I hope one day I will be brave enough, but today is not that day.
So that's it, my first personal blog, because typing is easier than paying for actual therapy ;)
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