I've been seriously considering trying to get something I've written published. A girl that Stephen works with just got a book published, romance crap, but I'm happy for her. She has done something I have dreamed of ever since I can remember. The thing that stops me is rejection I guess. I know most writers end up with stacks of rejection letters before getting a single thing published. Guess I'm scared to hear that I'm terrible, because to me my writing feels shallow, like it's missing something... Depth, detail, empathy.
There are a lot of things I want in life. A better figure, more intelligence, fiery romance, some sort of passion. Most of all I want to be able to articulate the things in my mind. I want to write a book that makes you weep because it's over, and simultaneously feel empty and full. Awash with love for what life could be, the potential we all have. Maybe for some it would leave them full of hatred for what life is, full of boredom, and mind numbing self disgust. That IT factor that some books have.
I'm buying software that lets me talk instead of type to see if that will help. I don't know though, it doesn't come with magical writing skill, it can't make me better than I am. I do get that most people go through this. Artists, musicians, anyone who's work is basically built on the opinions of others is bound to be self conscious.
I find myself in quite a depression lately. I assume it's still hormone issues from my surgery in December. Things are pretty much the same, no new reasons to be sad, that's why I assume it's hormones. Hopefully it will wear off soon. Other than that there is no news, pretty much going to school, dealing with the kiddos, same old stuff. Kaitlyn is seeing a psychologist, it seems to be going well. When we get out tax money in she will be seeing a doc to run some tests and see if we can nail down a diagnosis. I'm recovering from the hernia surgery pretty well, I wish I could be out doing more, but I'm supposed to be taking it easy for 3 more weeks.
